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Too Self-Absorbed? Relationship-Based Fatalism

Too Self-Absorbed? Relationship-Based Fatalism

A Reflection on Pre-Determinism in Love

Scott Rowland • April 11, 2016 • Lifestyle • 

What’s up with this look-a-like, be-a-like, be together phenomenon that’s homogenizing the approach to happily-ever-after? It’s similar to falling into the box of compatibility as determined by Astrology101 v1023.7.

While there is some applicable information in Robert Blaschke’s Astrology: A Language of Life Vol. 4: Relationship Analysis, my longest relationship (3 years) was with one of the least compatible signs in the spectrum. I suppose we were connected enough to try, but not enough for a long-term commitment. In the end, that botched relationship left me thinking about all the other fails throughout the years.

My most co-active fling with a Sagittarius completely imploded, and we went running in separate directions. I had a wonderful and engaging foray with a girl that just stopped talking to me out of nowhere. Only to find out later that a book gave her some general advice claiming the premise of our connection was unhealthy.

I’ve had a few girls fall show signs of the head over heels syndrome within days of meeting. Their impulsive notions of the superfluous Leo reputation were as off-putting as the anxious cougar that bought me a drink at License No.1. Yikes! If there’s a sign for obsessed attachment issues, I’ve fallen into that uncomfortable pattern one too many times.

I’m a human, not a fierce lion preordained to lead the world (or her world) to some mellifluent social structure.

LovePic2Then, there’s the Whoa! Are they lovers or just really close siblings? It’s cute when a pet and their parent have similar features, but a social stigma needs to gain momentum against visually similar partners.

I once made the mistake of hitting on a girl that looked like me. She may have been a smoking hot blond, but I couldn’t get over seeing us side-by-side in the mirror. I felt like I was caught in some sadistic sci-fi film where humans had been wiped off the planet, and we were the last Aryan hope, floating through space trying to keep the race alive 263 years after the incident.

These relational pigeon-holes that bind anxiously smitten admirers should be presented with a hint of skepticism. Is this creepy, look-a-like approach to love a symptom of nationalism? Separating races as a hindrance to diversity in our partnerships. Do people really find solace in symbols loosing distinction between the external love of another human and the internal love for themselves? Or is this an easy way to avoid true connection and raw emotion by accepting a generalized perspective? Either way, there’s room for concern.

To me, the fate-driven approach sounds boring and like somewhat of a cop-out. Why cling to the arms of a twice removed eighth cousin? If you want to fall asleep in your arms, there are pillows designed for cuddling.

We live in a melting pot of sexy, diverse humans. Spice things up a bit! Give yourself some time between relationships and transcend the dogma of suggestive belief structures. Don’t fall head over heels for yourself or fall for the contingency of a predetermined “match”.

Matches are for Tinder. And they don’t start by asking, “What’s your sign?”

I will admit those willing to delve into the concept of a Moon Sign have a more sophisticated approach, but I’m still skeptical. Fate is a dangerous game of expectations that will continue to fuel depression when a less-than-par life partner becomes the top contender.


Sure, I will do some research in hindsight regarding the compatibility of our zodiac signs, but my life-long partnership is for me to decide, not some hazy symbology. Exposing heartfelt perspective to discover both positive and inherently imperfect parts of a relationship will develop into tangible substance, and for me, love.

There is no sense in worrying about how life is suppose to be. An intuitive feeling of a complementary relationship developing into something meaningful works marvelously. If you are having trouble with this phenomenon, for the sake of diversity, then travel! Go to a different night club. Mingle with someone you would normally brush aside with judgments based on overt appearances or even worse, birth dates!

Muster up the patience of a compassionate human, and put aside your pre-deterministic sovereignty. Give in to the kind of love that praises positive attributes, understands imperfections and accepts humanness for what it is. Take the gentle, emotional approach of really getting to know the inside and out of your lover. Know that you love them and not the symbol they represent or the “you” they ignorantly impersonate. There is a higher probability of discovering a beautiful soul within the body of an unfamiliar disposition, and it won’t matter why. Because love finds itself just as it is: warm and unpredictable.

Graphic Art by Matt Diss


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  1. Love it !!!


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